Note from Tristan Kincaid
It’s still so surreal.
To say he’s gone is like saying the moon is gone, or music, or the Brooklyn Bridge. How can the world be without these things?
It’s hard to know what to say. Partly because talking about it makes it real. But also because what do you say about something that just so clearly, couldn’t possibly, ever be true?
Ben was the guy who knew all the answers. The one you phoned for advice. The kid from Buffalo who made it to the top of the world, and threw his arms around all of us so we’d know we belonged there with him.
He was a beacon. In our industry, and in our lives. He certainly was in mine. The first person I met in NYC, offering me a magazine as I waited to interview for my first job. Handing me a beer as a show was about to start at Mercury Lounge. Teaching me about cameras, about writing, and later on, about fatherhood. We built our portfolios together, went on our first big productions together, went on vacations with our children. We worked and laughed and drank late into the night.
He introduced me to the East Village. He introduced me to The Clash. He introduced me to my wife. And when we asked him to officiate our wedding, he brought the same intensity and nuance and gravitas and heart to the assignment as he did every other endeavor in his life.
He was also just the coolest guy. He made art that moved markets. He knew about every band on the planet. He kicked it with Bjork. Not bad for a science nerd who once hosted a public television access show called “Ben’s Brain” and went to Space Camp when he was a kid.
Ben would often say, when he was showing me something new that he found particularly cool or weird or interesting, pressing play on an album or handing me some esoteric piece of writing, “Your life is now different.” And he was right. Every time.
My life is different because of Ben. I suspect that’s true for a whole lot of people. The work he did shaped opinions, perspectives, businesses, and careers. Conversations with him could be life changing. His laugh of approval affirmed the soul. Getting a beer with Ben was the high point of my week.
And now that he’s gone, it’s really hard to know how to feel. It’s even harder to know what to say. But if anyone wants to talk about it, I will always be here.
I’m going to miss him so very much.
— Tristan Kincaid